if...

If anyone here still reads this, you guys rock. You guys are awesome, and a tiny bit weird to come over to visit a blog that hasn't been updated for a century.

Sorry to disappoint you so many times, it's just been a real hectic life.

I'm swamped in business deals, business talks, entrepreneurship programs, trips to China, exams, love, everything. It's been crazy, I tell you.

I promise you, you faithful, faithful reader, that I'll someday be free of the tortures of college, and have time to keep up a steady flow of one or two blog posts a week. With pretty pictures, and trips, and experiences of my life.

Thank you all. I love you guys.

P.s. I'm getting tired that no one sees my love anymore. No one. Maybe that's why I changed? You were the catalyst.

Fucking 2012

This could possibly be the worst fucking new year ever.

state of silent turmoil.

Ever felt like, at some point in your life, any point, lifeless? Yeah, it's a frequented word, used at the smallest sign of boredom or pointlessness.

"Eh, you damn lifeless lah."

"These holidays, a bit lifeless lor I feel."

 I can't comprehend this feeling... But if there's anything that comes close to how I'm feeling, it's that word. It's when you don't think you're doing anything that benefits you. When you're dying for a change in pace in life, for something fresh, something beneficial.

I have a slightly negative outlook on studying. For more than a decade, (almost?) all of us have been working and studying to achieve good grades. It's been a monotonous ride of learning things, and some of the things don't even matter to us. History might play a huge role in "avoiding past mistakes", but really, what was the point? We never actually intended to use that knowledge. It was all for grades, and it's a sad, sad thought.

Yes, we have all been doing that for more than a decade. A continuous process of getting good grades every year without stopping. The long run objective? To get a good job.

Only lately, exposure to economics, accounting and business has interested me, and gave me a sign that business might be what I'm keen on venturing into. I absorbed the knowledge of business to put to use in my future, but I barely have the willpower to memorize ways to write essays on exchange rates.

I'm a man who can't survive on the same thing over and over again. I need constant change. Fresh challenges. And a huge amount of freedom. I have never tolerated things that appear the same day after day. Studying for grades, has been repeating in my life for 12 years. 12 years. It's killing me. I don't see the point.

Nevertheless, the adults will say, "It's to get into a good university, and you'll get a great job, and people will look up to you."

It's all about reputation. The relatives are constantly gossiping about you. Who's a bad kid? Who's a good kid? Who's got the best qualifications?

I feel trapped in a straight line, no curves, no bends, nothing. I want to do something with my life, I want a sense of achievement, a sense that I did something to change the world. And studying doesn't cut it. I want knowledge I will use.

I want to master the piano, the saxophone.
I want to travel the world.
I want to study the culture of the humans on Earth.
I want to invest in property.
I want to participate in charity groups.
I want to help with our education system.
I want to know more about the business world today.
I want to learn more about Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, and the countless other religions of the world.
I want to know about politics.
I want to learn the art of cooking.
I want to get rich.
I want to use the money for my family, myself, people who need it, people without it.
I want to speak 10 different languages.

Freedom!

And in that list of things above, none of them require me to study my ass off for grades that make me look good.

And yet, those desires, those wants, they're so much more rewarding, so much more abundant with knowledge. They will benefit me so much more than what I'm learning, and have been learning, the past decade.

It is because of this frustration, being obligated to study, that I torture myself by spending as much time as possible on the Internet, on Wikipedia, on Facebook, on Youtube.

I blame myself for being too weak. But my characteristic does not allow me to study for long periods of time.

Someday, I'll get all the knowledge I want. When I'm finally free to make my own choices without judgement from others.

For now, it's back to studying about the Theory of Marginal Revenue Product. *smacks head repeatedly*

 Rant over.

it makes you wonder

Everyone's got opinions. But some opinions are wrong, and some are right. I'm a really, really factual and logical person. A bit too factual. I analyze based on what I see, and what I've seen, and I make my decision.

Undeniably, this person is incredibly intellectual for his age. The things he states in his blog are sort of an act of, as I have said countless of times before, "taking the situations and things in life we don't pay attention to, and learning a lesson from it". Which is real cool, in the sense I get to learn what he's been learning. I envy him, for I can't really do that. It's a special skill, even if he doesn't realize it.

I only think he gets too radical sometimes, and a bit contradicting, calling people sensitive sometimes, and becoming assumptious (not sure how you spell that, there's a red line under that word) the next. Many instants have I just made a simple comment, or stated something that didn't even come from me, and he burst forth with a rant in which half of it really did sting me. It made me think: 

"Damn, how many other people think I'm like this?"

I had to explain to him that I was passing the message, and that I stood up for him in front of people I love, because as I said, I'm factual and logical. If it's right, it's right. Vice versa.

Another time was Bersih. I didn't like the way his "friend" said (this is more or less, I can't remember the exact statement) "whoever doesn't join the Bersih rally is lazy."

That insulted me as a person. I just did not want to participate. We're all set to our opinions. I wanted to have a nice day out with my family. We who did not participate, who totally did not want to be involved did not complain about the traffic the government caused. We did not complain about the lockdowns. But here you are, calling us lazy, when we're just indifferent.

I nicely commented that "lazy" wasn't a great way to describe us. And he immediately called me "low". That's really degrading, and proves how immature he was under influence of a movement, or a passion.

Anyway, he tends to get very sensitive about certain things. Religion not being one of them, but income...? Yeah, well. I have never judged any of my high school friends in terms of income. It never crossed my mind. Personally, when I buy something, I feel good cause I used my own money for it. But never have I thought, "Hey, I've got something, and he doesn't have it, cause he can't afford it."

I just didn't like the way he phrased some things. Other people have views even more radical than he does; I don criticize them. Cause they're harsh, straight to the point, true, and most of all, general. 


I have never met someone who said:

"Oh, it's another big recession, the blacks are gonna suffer."

That's just biased. Why the blacks? Why not the redneck whites? Do all blacks live with a sub-optimal income?

"Anymore public holidays, and our FDI goes down, along with your LVs and Guccis."

That clearly, clearly implies that everyone posted on Najib's wall, saying "Hey Najib, holiday la, I wanna buy my LV and Gucci." I'm not being insulted. Cause I'm not a brand conscious guy. So what other reason would I have to comment on that statement if I'm not offended?

I dunno if he meant it, but it was a pretty weird post. I questioned the necessity of putting brands there, especially after he ranted and insulted me about how I had things he didn't have a year ago.

He's a really good friend, one of the truest friends I'll have. That's why I fought so hard to preserve our friendship that day.

narrowly awake

I can't sleep.

Several things lead to several more things, and before you know it, you're thinking too much to even get a wink of sleep.

First you'll be thinking about the events of the day, how you boned a girl, how you finally managed to say hi to that curvaceous librarian at the library (duh) down the street, etc, etc; which makes you fear that thinking too much about it will cause insomnia. The fear of insomnia might either:

a) Make you force yourself to sleep, which will make your brain even more active, or

b) You start having insomnia effective immediately.

The chain of reaction just makes everything worse and worse, and worse, til you get to the point where you fuck everything up by doing the worst thing you could do when you can't sleep: You start looking at the time.

"2am. Damn. Better get some sleep, gotta wake up at 8 tomorrow. Oh wait, it already is tomorrow. Why do people still say 'see you tomorrow' after 12am? No, I'm thinking too much again. Time to sleep."

"3am already? S***, I haven't slept? This ain't good, not good at all. I should stop looking at the clock..."

"5am?!"

*At 8am* "Good f***ing morning, fellas."

At around 5am, you start to give up on sleeping.


And you end up writing your opinion on how insomnia works, like what I'm doing right now.


...I can't sleep.

my happiest moment

My name’s Nick. And like any other person, any other human, I know happiness. Happiness comes from all sorts of curious little things in life, but there’re some particular things we keep returning to when we just want to smile and have it make the rest of our day. Mine would be these few items I discovered in the course of my 18 years on this Earth.

The first ever thing I found happiness in was the camera. We didn't have a lot of money that time, so our first family camera was an old FF-10, using film, while everyone was already on the digital camera craze. The photos of me as a growing guy were all taken with this camera, and also photos of what I saw in the world. This camera brought me pictures that make me smile as I relive the memories of my past; my first trip out of Selangor, the awards I won at my primary school, they were all there. And they're still here now. This cam's been my long time buddy, and I'm keeping him til the end.

David Choi signature Taylor. Proud owner of it. :D

The second thing that brought me happiness was music. As a kid, I always sang in the car, and have always been interested in music. In Form 4, I picked up guitar for real. This year, I met David Choi from Youtube and talked about guitars with him. And I realized how much I love and appreciated the music I could produce. Music, to me, and to my musician buddies wasn't just a medium to look cool and be popular by getting everyone to know you're a musician.

Music was a bond. A bond between me and my friends. A bond between me and my band. A bond between me and the audience on the stage. A bond between loved ones. I'm proud to say I've managed to create relationships between my friends and audience with my music. And I even found love myself through music.

Before I met her, life was already great. I never thought it'd get better when she entered this stage of my life. She taught me to understand people better, and she made me get even closer with my family members. She's practically part of the family already. She's that thing I want to take care of as long as I'm able to, and that thing that takes care of me during those moments when I'm really down in the gutter.

So my happiest moment, was May 16th, 2011, when she came, when we fell in love. That date was when all the things I cherished most in my life appeared to me. It was a satisfaction that I never experienced before. At that moment, until now, I felt my life had meaning. There were these things that balanced out the challenges and pain of the world with the bright side of it.

Since that day, I was truly, wonderfully happy. :)

shopping at the burbs

 A great day out yesterday, and plenty of deja vu to go with it!

I brought the girlfriend out with my parents to downtown KL for some shopping and a Rm5000000 dinner at G Tower, Tanzini. More on that later!

There was this awesome cafe we dropped by called Espressamente. Right outside Pavillion's entrance. Awesome coffee, and the butterscotch cake is AMAZING. It absolutely melts in your mouth. Only beaten by Delicious' banana pudding.

 Then there was Tokyo Street, where they sold all sorts of Japanese goods. It was a mini Japan, best representation of Japan that I've seen, and better than that excuse of a Japanese street called Asian Avenue at Pyramid. Gotta try the ramen there, get some snacks from the sweet shop beside Daiso, and the JAPANESE ICE CREAM. And for you bubble tea freaks (hate that stuff), you might wanna try the Japanese bubble tea shop there. :) Oh! And there's a photography shop with those Fish Eye cameras and Instax.

 The family enjoyed themselves, and so I did too. :)

Then, big surprise! We went to Burberry and I drooled over this beautiful Burberry wallet that I swore I'd use for life since months ago (which means til I'm 35 years or so, then I'll make another excuse). Mom took it and just said "You like this wallet?" I nodded, not expecting anything, and... "It's yours. Happy birthday."

Beautiful object. :) Pictures later!

Now for the dinner. Tanzini's a fine dining Italian restaurant on the 28th floor of G-Tower. Nice ambience, and the balcony give you a breathtaking view of KL. However, it was too dark to take any beautiful pics.

The starters! My dad went for the most expensive dish, pan seared foie gras (goose liver). It is preciously delicious.

My main dish was seafood risotto with pan seared scallops and cheese on top. Magnificent. But can't beat the risotto from Italy, that was authentic stuff.

The girlfriend's main was grilled tiger prawns and vongole, a great combination with epic flavour! Much better than the vongole she had at The Hills at Damansara Heights. That was terrible vongole.

Dessert was vanilla gelato. They've got a few varieties of flavours like lavender, amarina cherry, coffee and such. But I felt pretty conservative and traditional, so down with the old vanilla!

We had a great great meal, and a great, great time.

After sending the girlfriend back, we proceeded home, where I proceeded to unwrap my present.

Looks like both me and my girlfriend have Burberry products now. :)

And hey presto! That's the best looking wallet I found. I didn't really like the check wallets, they just looked plain disgusting. The word "Burberry" doesn't really stand out, but I don't buy things just for the brand, I want it to be nice to use too. Some people buy them polos two sizes too big, or with that huge looking number on the shoulders and a fat horse with a guy on it. Never liked it, I'm more of a minimalist.

Cobalt blue leather ID wallet made in Italy.

Best day of 2011. Besides the day I confessed to the girlfriend. ;)

Love you guys, keep on reading! My exams are over, so I'm able to blog often now. Thanks for sticking with me. Stick strong.